People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
