Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
