I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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