Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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