We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
