His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
