i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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