hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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