My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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