And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize