wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You need Xanax blowdarts
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
