no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
