Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
