WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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