a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So. Much. Porn.
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