so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
