hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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