Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
