Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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