Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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