not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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