I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
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