I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
