I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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