I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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