I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
