I just saw a hot homeless man
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
