Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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