omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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