i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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