I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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