How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
