do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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