I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
