it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
