I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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