I just pynch a tree in the face
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
