Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
