pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize