p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
