Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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