my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
