Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
