Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
