'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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