Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
