And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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