I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
