O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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