You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
