nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
