Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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