hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
