At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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