none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
