I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
