I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
