At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
