i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
