I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
