it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
