I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
