I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Randomize
