That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
