my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
