You made me cry and you don't even care
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
