so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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