After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
