I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
