I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
