SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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