I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize