What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My feet surprised me
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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