I want to have your abortion
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
