I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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